Dalam Kenangan....10/10/1950 - 8/12/2009...

Tanggal 8/12/09, ayah tenang disambut ilahi..ketentuan yg akan dihadapi oleh semua org. cuma aku tak sangka kunjugan pd 6/12/09 tu merupakan kunjungan terakhir ayh ke rumah aku. ayah seperti biasa senyap & xbyk bercakap, mmg mcm tu karekter dia sejak dr dulu. xde perubahan yg ayah tunjukkan sebelum dia tinggalkan kami, cuma apa yg mak perasan, dia jarang berjemaah di surau seperti selalu kecuali pada malam jumaat, selebihnya dia senang berjemaah dgn mak di rumah. selainnya dia mcm biasa.

Hari selasa aku sempat buat panggilan terakhir sblm mak & ayah pergi ke pasar. riak ma seperti biasa, agak tergesa2 sebab ayah dah menunggu di motor. aku cepat2 hentikan perbualan takut mak lambat ke pasar. sempat aku bgtau mak aku akn call balik lepas balik dr pasar....lepas 2 jam aku call balik, panggilan xberjawab, sangka aku maybe mak still dalam pasar, xlama lepas tu mak call balik...dgn keadaan suara terketar2 menahan sakit, terkedu aku... kata dia "mak eksiden...luka di kepala, kaki xleh jalan, ayah.....ayah dah teruk sgt darah membuak keluar ikut mulut...", aku terkedu lagi......ayah dah memang ikut jalan yg betul cuma van yg sepatutnya tunggu sampai abis kereta & motor lalu baru belok ke simpang terus pecut laju disangka ayah masih jauh. melambung agaknya mak & ayah, mak tergolek longlai ke tepi jalan, ayah retak tempurung kepala, patah tulang selangka, tulang dada renyuk akibat terhenyak teruk, semcm kaki xjejak tanah aku rasa. kelam kabut aku siap brg2 aku, trus lari ke LRT xpikir apa pon, dlm kepala cuma pikir mcm mana mak ngn ayah ja.

Aku rasa LRT mcm bergerak terlalu pelahan, hubby aku smpi dulu, trus aku packing brg apa yg patut & amik hadeel dr rumah mak mentua, trus bergerak ke kedah. adik aku? mc mana adik2 aku? trus aku telefon adik yg bongsu, yg tgh wat preparation utk final exam, sian adik, esknya (rabu, kamis & jumaat) dia ada paper...xda pilihan yg aku ada melainkan ceritakan apa yg jd..adik aku yg di seremban pon jenuh aku nk hubungi sbb dlm training dia xdibenarkan on handphone, aku xputus2 telefon mak aku yg bru sedar dr pengsan (dia sendri xtahu dia kene langgar tau2 dah ada dikatil wad kecemasan). longlai rasa badan aku, rasa nk terbang ja so cepat sampai ke rumah, mmg dah takdir tuhan, ayah aku dah pegi masa aku masih kat rawang lg, lepas 3 jam dia bertarung nyawa..xda rezeki nk jumpa ayh masa masih bernyawa..

Ayah pergi mengejut tinggalkan kami tp kami redha.. setiap yg hidup akan mati. hati lgi bertambah kebal bila tgk mak lsg xtitiskan air mata. dia ckp dia xmau nangis sbb takut ayah susah nnti kat sana. buat apa nangis, kan elok dihadiahkan ayah ayat2 al-quran. cuma dalam hati mak sapa yg tau, kata dia 30 tahun dia hidup bahagia tersangat2, xpenah selisih faham, berjemaah xhenti, xputus doakan kesejahteraan hidup ank2, kemana sentiasa berdua, petang2 main badminton sesama, keluar berdua-duaan, syg menyayang, semua kenangan tu yg mak xboleh lupa sgt...pemergian ayah mmg mak redha & lepaskan. ayah pergi tanpa meninggalkan hutang 1 sen pon, sebaliknya amal & takwa yg dia bawa, alhamdulillah...sebelum ayah pergi, ayah sempat menunaikan solat subuh, mengaji dah xpernah dia lupa utk tunaikan solat sunat dhuha, amalan yg dah jadi rutin harian dia.

pergila ayah......pergilah dgn tenang....kami sekeluarga redha, semoga roh ayah dicucuri rahmat, ditempatkan dikalangan org2 beriman, kami akan sentiasa mendoakan mu & mengingatimu, terima kasih kami ucapkan buat arwah ayah yg xpernah mengabaikan tanggungjawabnya hingga kami jd insan yg berguna, segala ajaran fardu kifayah & fardu ain yg ayah tinggalkan buat kami sebgi bekalan hidup di dunia & akhirat akan kami gunakan sebaik mungkin....al-fatihah buat ayah...pemergianmu amat kami rasai...

Bukan Senang nak jadi Senang!!

tu la ayat yg dpt aku simpulkan (kesimpulan di awal karangan??? ada kaaa??) bukan senang nk jadi senang..since aku mula involve dlm bisnes ni, mcm2 yg aku dah tempuh, yg meyenangkan yg menjengkelkan...mcm2 ada...alhamdulillah, projek blm putus ni tp aku kene gak pikirkan benda2 yg baru so that project xputuss..melayan kerenah customer yg mcm2 ni mmg menduga kesabaran tp tu bukan la reason utk quit tp cabaran yg kene tempuh. latest kerenah yg aku tpaksa layan, customer yg xprofesional..dah amik brg tp nk tgk puas ati ke tak sedangkan benda tu aku dok update bekali2 demi nk puaskan ati sblm brg tu aku deliver. wahh sungguh pelik, dah bg yg murah smpi aku sendiri untung pon xbyk still asking for diskaun & free gift, adeh mcm2..dah ckp brg2 no KREDIT term pon still mcm xpaham, tu la yg aku alami mgu lepas, tp xpe, sabarrr...itu bru kecik dugaan, aku telan kan jugak, alhamdulillah, aku berjaya utk 1st projek tuh, client puas ati & payment pon aku dpt full based on Cash On Delivery. aku bukan nye loan shark yg nk charge org mahai2, harga yg aku letak tu xde la smpi mencekik darah, aku even letak murah dr market price demi nk cri untung yg reasonable & yg penting berkat dr tuhan..even mcm2 yg aku dah tempuh, aku anggap ni starting point nk berjaya, kepala aku ni dok mencongak2 mcm2 future projek ni, aku juz harap yg terbaik dr tuhan as Dia dah bgi otak suh pakai so make use of it, puas?? no aku blm puas, as yg aku slalu quote or quote fav aku "still a very long way to go......"

Dealing a Tantrum Child

is it part of growing process or is it occurs due to some circumtances? when it comes for me to deal with a tantrum child, im kind of lost. what should i do if my hubby not around? how am i going to confront her by myself? like wat happen these few days. she cry for no reason. begging for so much attention eventhough i cuddle her all the time till i have no time to do the spring cleaning & worse, i cant even move at all. i checked her body tempreture every hour, scared if she had fever or somthing, but everything seems ok. by the time her babah wants to put her on bed, she will throw her small pillow, even her milk bottle. this situation kind of worrying me. i cant raise my voice all the time scared that it will somehow affect her psychology but i cant leave her behaving like that all the time alfraid she will used to it. god, sometimes i wish she can grow much faster now so that i can descipline her.

its hard but i have to let it go..

yes its kind of hard to let it go but i have to. eventhough money is everything but when it comes for me to think about children, money no longer become head of the list but the experience gained by aiding & nurturing them became 1 of the most precious experience i ever had. letting it go eventhongh it is juz a part time job kind of leaving a big bruise and scars on me. sitting in front of them, correcting them and nurturing them shows how they need us an adult to aid them, to teach them, to help them in every way. thing that makes me hard to erase the memory out of my head was when they came to me asking me 'teacher, how to do this? teacher, is this correct?" shows how pure & sincere they are. i have to let it go so that i can concentrate on my lil' hadeel where she needs a lot of my attention these days. who knows by letting this job go, other good thing will be on my side...who knowss..

Mari mkn gaji buta lagikk!!

sejuk beku aku rini lam bilik ni sensorg, cam biasa aku mmg sensorag lam bilik nih..yaaaa..mari makan gaji buta (sbb tgh xde keje kann, cuba ada, xmenang tgn ko)..tetiba terasa nk post entry arini..smlm dah g amik gambo si qadeel, bpusing mcm gasing ank aku lam kedai gambo tu juz nk mengambik sekeping gambo passport yg kecik tuh..isk2..mlm ni isi form, sabtu nk pi wat passport, seb baik aku dah renew thn lepas thn ni laki aku lak renew, hadeel wat yg 2 thn cukup le (tu ada hati tu nk pi singapore ngn chiang mai laksss)..bujet hotel dlm 300++ utk 3 mlm di bandung n 1 malam kat jakarta, ni tgh duk cari hotel lak kat jakarta, yg bandung dah settle. tu blm masuk byr utk supir tu. kitaorg amik avanza je sbb nk cut cost hahahaha..almaklum la ni coti2 bajet ciput kann..dlm kepala ni dok pikir nk travel 1 bandung n 1/4 jakarta kot, & yg ptg aku nk bli home deco kat sana especially yg related ngn culture sana (bkn kain batik lepasss okeh). igt ujung tahun nk pi singapore tp dek ada reunion, so drag early next year kot. nk book utk pi chiang mai, tiket air asia lak cam mahal, xmcm aritu 260 return ticket for 3 persons plus luggage, mana nk dpt kann..apo pon mak akn coba mengadjust time dan bajet utk kesana lakss..xpon ke ho chi minh vietnam lak, cam best gak tu kann.......... (tajuk cam xkene ngn content entry!!!!)

Raya..raya..raya...

diam tak dia dah smgu lebih dah raya..huhu sat je rasa kan..time2 ceni byk le jemputan g open house, leh le amik kesempatan xmasak kan ujung2 mgu ni. tah napa semenjak 2 menjak ni aku gila plak mendeco umh aku, dr ruang tamu, smpi ke dapo smpi la ke balconi abis aku deco2..isk2..mmg shiok (padahal xde pon org dtg..) time raya ceni budak2 le yg syok pon sbb dpt duit raya, mak budak dpt pegang duit ank sajoo (budak2 xleh pgg duit manyak2 tau..ekekeke) nak2 plak ni 1st raya aku ngn hadeel and 2nd raya aku ngn hubby.


ni gambo yg sempat aku cilok dek sbb aku braya xhengat donia fana, pki baju lawa2 alih sekeping gamba haram xamik, isk2..last tumpang menyelit lam gambo org....seb baik de gak yg sudi menyemakkan gambo dorg ngn muka aku (smpi ank aku meninggalkan jejaknye kat umh buyui..ekekekeke). ni tgh pikir nk wat open house nk masak apa lak nih. dik bradik dah le berduyunkan, takkan nk jamu kuih je kan, nk le gak masak2..smbil2 tu nk curi2 time nk g wat passport hadeel, dah nk gi bandung ni aku pon xtau nk bli apa, org lain mcm2 benda nk disoping aku leh xtau nk soping apa, yala aku bkn peminat kain batik lepas ke hapa, klu home deco tu minat le aku, mcm masa aku pi phuket dulu pon mana ada aku bli kain, aku pi bli hiasan umh, minat tui aku, apa pon to hubby good luck for your upcoming interview, hope dpt la ye migrate g abu dhabi, mrasa aku duk negara org...

Mggu akhir ramadhan...

pejam celik pejam celik dah mgu akhir ramadhan (sedih lak rasa nk tgl ramadhan ni plus sedih sbb gagal mengisinye ngn penuh ketakwaan..huhuhu). mmg kalut aku, bkn kalut nk soping, bkn kalut nk hias umh dgn benda2 baru (oh tidaaakkk), bkn kalut buat kuih raya tp kalut mengejar masa yg aku rasa singkat sangat. preparation raya mmg terlalulah ala kadar. baju raya pon selai je, juz nk memenuhi syarat, ank yg aku utamakan dulu. alhamdulillah, semuanya dah cukup infact lebih dr cukup walaupon aku mmg lsg xsoping thn ni dek sbb kemalasan yg terlampau (tetiba teringat kat makcik2 yg wat bju raya berpasang2 smpi membazir2, tah bila yg nk pakai semua baju tu pon tatau). thn ni aku juz nk hapy2 sambut syawal sbb nk alik umh mak aku je, & ni lah 1st syawal aku dgn my 1st child, my beloved daughter, almaklum, nk collect duit raya mmg dah xleh dah, aku yg kene bg duit raya ada la..sob..sob..aku juz rindu gila kat parents sbb few months dah xjumpa..pas raya ni mula la kepala mencongak2 apa nk wat tp yg pasti 1st benda yg aku nk buat is nk buat saving utk aku sendiri n for qadeel sbb dia dah bleh bukak ASD. tah kenapa lepas kawen ni aku mmg lsg xminat soping dah, xmcm masa bujang, skali soping 2 rat - 3 rat leh abis skali rapppp..uhuuu..teringat kat ktupat daun palas mak aku yg mmg terbaekkkk...adui, hope leh le abis jahit langsir tu dlm mgu ni n hope qadeel xmeragam so that i can finish my sewing work ASAP...

Juz Drop By...

tah pehal angin xde ribut xd tetiba aku nk post entry rini. saja nk share kekelamkabutan aku dikala posa ni. aku mmg tringin sgt nk g terawih & nk bertadarus pe semua, tp sejak de ank kecik ni, agak terbatas xtbt aku, isk2..tu yg wat aku semcm xsabar nk tgu ank aku beso, aku pon juz sempat penuh kan yg 5 waktu tu sajok tanpa aksesorinya (yg sunat le tuh...huhuhuhu). rutin aku dibolan posa ni mmg padat smpi aku seniri sangap, start dr 4.15 pgi, aku kalut nk prepare sahur, pehtu lelap kejap dah kalut nk siap gi opis lak, dah siap pi opis, kalut nak anto ank plak sbb laki aku masuk keje awai lak bolan posa nih (adui mencungap gak la tetiap pgi dibolan posa ini). dah siap anto ank aku drive & tinggal keta kat LRT station dekat ngn umh aku, tup2 dah pukui 8, mula la aku rasa mcm xcukup tanah diwatnya...nk2 plak ank aku u'uk plak waktu kritikal..isk..mula la nk ngamuk mcm pgi td..hmmm..belah petang plak, dah kalut nk berebut tren, drive pi PaRam, bli pe yg ptt (mmg aku estimet duk kat Param xlebih 10 minit...nk kejor masa...), then trus shoot pi umh mak mentua aku pulak amik ank...adui..mmg tahap lunyai masa tu, alik umh nk beridang bebuka pulak, masa ni la aku tringat hazabb nya mak aku nk prepare semua tuh masa aku kecik2 dulu (tapi dulu mak aku xkeje, surirumah sepenuh masa..uwaaaaa...mana sama..). smpi ja pas maghrib, aku dah mmg flat...aduh..time ni mula la...aku mmg letih la nk melayan qadeel yg mmg dah byk ragam dia skrg nih, kekadang sian gak kat dia tp seyes aku mmg telalu letih. ramadhan yg mulia suppose to be fun & terisi tp aku trasa mcm gagal nk amik nikmat ramadhan thn ni, sedih sungguh rasa...hopefully thn depan aku leh enjoy sepuasnya posa, siap wat yg wajib ngn aksesorinya skali..(teringat aku surah al-baqarah pon dak abis2 lgi...huuhu...uwaaa....)

dah bersawang, kulapuk dan berkulat...dah blog aku!!!

nmpk sgt dah lama aku xberblog, bz arr (hakikatnya sbb ada blog baru..kui3). xde byk crita kat sini, semua sama aja mcm lepas2, cuma aku agak fedup ngn opis aku (hakikatnya dr dulu). ank aku pon dah merangkak, aku xsabar nk pi bandung (hakikatnya agak cuak ngn H1N1 walau tiket dah lama aku bli, mana aku tau H1N1 ni nak ada...isk2)...argghhhh...agak tensi semenjak 2 menjak nih, smpi aku lupa password utk blog nih ekekeke...pd member yg aktif berblog, keep it up (hakikatnya jgn jd mcm aku), aku tgh sibuk ngn part time job aku smpi aku mohon nk jd part time assistant kat KUMON, hehehe...obses sgt nk anto ank aku belajo kat sana smpi aku pon nk keje sana..isk2..(hakikatnya xde idea tp nk menulis gak)...pendek je crita aku kali ni, sok ade crita panjang aku story okeh..

whooosh...

diam tak diam dah few days gak aku xberblogging, sibuk ngan keje yg dtg brtubi-tubi, parents aku stay sini for few days, well they really made my day by taking care of hadeel, gee thanks mom...dlm dok sibuk aku still can remain calm..thank god, for evrything...xbyk yg aku harap, juz hoping that i can retain my calm & happiness, xdiganggu dek benda remeh temeh yg semmgnya xdisebab kan oleh aku...kdg2 aku notice kita stress bkn disebabkan oleh kita sendiri tp org sekeliling kita..for god sake...so these few days aku nk rileks..tenangkan fikiran, abiskan masa ngan hadeel (nnti kita g jenjalan k dear..), hoping xdganggu org (hoping..hoping..hoping..)

promotion time!!!!

dah lama aku menyorok last aku kuar jugak..hahahha, dok bz ngn blog baru aku tu lah. so klu korang free bleh le log on to kawinonestopcenter.blogspot.com, bleh le tgk kad kawin yg mana bekenan, hantaran aku tgh dok update lg, sbb new projek aku bakal dpt 2 (hehehe thanks to fie & fai - both of them r my 1st customer, so this is so-called acknowlegment to them by futuring their name in my blog..hehehe), so watch out for my new post..

wahh...dah dekat 2 mggu...

dah nak bsawang dah blog aku ni dah lama xpost entry, nk kata bz idok gak tp tah, xdo idea gaknye..plak tu aku ado project baru lak skg ni, lg le merestrictkan (apo punya ayat..) xtbt aku nk mengepos entry, apa pon entry totap aku hantar even aku mmg syok ngn project baru aku tu..hahahahaha...ado sajoo..

mggu bermalas-malasan...

alaaa..pesal mgu ni aku rasa tul2 xde mood nk keje..motivation that gone..katakan... pas je aku balik pd short so-called vacation tuh trus aku dlm mood cotiii saje. nk2 plak menghadap muka2 ni, lg le aku cam xde motivation nk keje..alhamdulillah le evryting run smooh, aku pon dah start wat preparation sket utk raya, xde le sok nk spend lump sum, mau rabak poket aku. yg penting ank aku cucuk pon dah nk setel, akikah, sunat dia pon aku dah setelkan. alhamdulillah la, selama aku kawen ni xde lagi la hutang2 yg tertunggak, semua kitaorg bedua dah setelkan part masing2 on time. apa pon jommmmmmm kita keep bermalas-malasan...jom...

short so-called- vacation..

its been almost a year i didnt go anywhere after i found out i was praggy & safely delivered hadeel. last saturday we arranged a short so-called family vacation (arranged by my in law side). yaeh its short but enjoying as it was my 1st vacation with hadeel before we go for our so-called long vacation to jakarta coming october.

it was the 1st time she learn how to swim with those floaters & i cant hardly wait to buy her a piar of swimming suit so that she can learn how to float & swim swiftly next month at our condo's pool. ahh..shes doesnt alfraid of water at all even with the pampers on (polution..polution..polution..hahaha..) love to see her soothing smile..

story behind the orkid...

teringat masa aku mula dpt umh tu lepas dekat 6 bulan menunggu SnP, bank lawyer ape semua setel juz to own that house, mujur owner tu handed umh tu bersih so aku juz samak je sebelum aku bwk masuk barang2, cat umh tu, yela umh sendiri so aku nk le nmpk semeggah sikit kann..tp bukan pasai umh tu yg aku nk crita tp ni haaaaaa..pasai pokok orkid...korang maybe nmpk its juz an orkid yg ade mungaa...santekk le tu kan, tp mmg aku pon xcaya yg dia akn bebunga sedemikian ropaaa sbb masa aku mula2 masuk umh tu, pokok orkid tinggalan owner lama ni cam dah idup segan mati xmau. dah kering kontang rantingnya, daun ape tah lg la kan nk ada, aku dah siap tarik ranting pokok tu kuar ngn akar2 skali igt nk buang sebab nmpk cam dah mati...tah cane aku ternmpk le ade tunas kecik sesgt kat celah2 ranting tuh..yelakan, dah le xde ape pokok pon, so tah nape aku simpan gak le pokok tu kat balcony, lantak le nk tumbuh ke tak kann sbb pokok orkid ni kan susah nk bela, nk bebunga apatah lg kann...so, aku yg mmg bkn green finger ni pon bior jelah pokok ni centu je, smpi le dia tumbuh daun alik sbb aku letak uncang teh yg dah guna nk wat as baja le konon...lama la gak nk bior daun dia naik alik..alih2, 3-4 bulan pas hadeel lahir aku nmpk cam ada kudup bunga....laaaaaaaaaahaaaai...pokok orkid yg idup segan mati xmau aku tu nk bebunga ropanyaaaa...tekojut gak aku kan sbb pokok tu xberbela...terbiar...saja aku letak gambo pokok orkid tu utk kenang-kenangan....

next post..

i have a lot of thing to be spilled out of my mind but im still looking for the right time to deliver it. so many things to be done at 1 time, thinking, waiting, multidispline task (??)..bla..bla..bla had restricted me from delivering those things out of my mind..(which means i need 360 degree concentration....err.... do we actually need concentration in writing a new entry in blog??...its depend..)..argghhhhh..i have hell lot of things lingering in my mind right now...and need better rest sleep as well....

bila suspen nk berakhir ni...?

ke aku yg gopoh?? yela, aku nk tau le dpt ke tak, klu dpt ckp je la dpt, klu xdpt ckp xdpt, xyah le aku tetunggu2, letih menunggu ni sebenarnya, kang di remind byk kali kang ckp kita kalut lak kan..ish..serba salah & serba tak kena aku diwatnya..bkn pe, serik diperkotak katikkan mcm LKW, alih2 senyap je..xde rezeki sebenarnye..adui, dorg ckp sepanjang bulan 6 ni recruitment & selection, adui, ade ke nama aku lam list tuh?? faculty engineering & built environment , construction management..waaaaaaaaa..aku nk blah pada sini cepat2 la wei..alaaaaaaaa.........

rindu lak kat dak gedeel2 tuh....

sambil prepare cert utk sub-con tetiba aku tringat lak kat gedeel2...bkn pe td masa nk g keje dia nangis, yela kwn dah cerdik tgk aku pakai tudung gaknye dia ingat aku nk bawak dia g jenjalan, aku dukung jap je pas tu letak balik atas tilam dia, dah dia melalak cam "umiiiii..nk iiiitoooot"...adui, sian lak aku tgk dia even kdg2 dia wat aku letih yg amat sgt (smpi aku nk beeeeemesra ngn babah dia pon xleh..si gedeel2 pya pasai..)...sambil tu skg ni aku duk tgh survey kindergarden, tmpt mengaji & polisi insuran yg sesuai utk dia, future investment...sambil tu aku isau lak takut tempat nak ngaji xde, tau2 la kan KL, kang skolah pandai pe semua tetiba ngaji xreti lak kan..atoiyaiiii...sape yg nk jawab kat SANA nanti....hmmm...

lepas weekend...

last weekend, sabtu aku attand 3 kenduri. mabuk nasik minyak xtekata, 3 rumah aku pg 2 umh je aku mkn, 1 lg juz pay a visit. letih mmg letih xtekata, ahad ada 1 lg kenduri tp aku xattand dek sebab letih, aku moody & 8 kali aku cirit sbb perut aku mmg xtahan campur2 byk sgt makanan. letih dan bengang aku lg memuncak sbb dah le sakit perut hadeel lak wat perangai, pastu babah dia lak dok bising aku bgn lewat (mcm dia lak bgn tgh2 mlm wat susu & tukar lampin ank...bgg je aku) pendek kata mmg ahd tu aku juz prefer membisu dr byk bercakap sebab aku terlampau moody & aku xrasa aku patut bercakap, lantak la apa org lain nk ckp, i don give a damn care.

tiba2 je aku jd rindu gila kat parents aku. not to deny aku a bit stress lately. klu xkerana hadeel aku rasa aku dah alik umh parents aku dah, balik berehat, tp sbb ada ank kecik aku malas la nk mengangkut brg ke sana ke mari ditambah ngn kewangan yg mencukupi (bkn xde ok), lgpon parents aku nk dtg bulan depan. ni ujung minggu ni nk ke PD lak, tah pesal tetiba aku xde motivation lak nk pg, bkn sbb xseronok, tp bila memikirkan kewangan terhad pastu aku lak byk sgt pikir hal keje (aku serabut slagi aku stay sini, mmg serabut gila). memikirkan bila dah alik sini dah ahd pastu senin nk keje, ahhhh double penat..klu xde ank kecik xpe. serius aku mmg penat smpi aku xde masa utk diri sendiri..

Turning Hadeel To Cinderella..

ahh...not easy to groom your baby till u drop, u need rigorous work, burn your penny a little bit here n there, creative thinking (u need the most!!) im still looking for shoes that fit hadeel, not juz focusing on size, brand n look but also penny that i think worth to spend. osh kosh, baby gap, mothercare are the brands that lead my list rite now (wah2 ko dressing kalah umi ko ekk..). i've seen so many pre walker shoes for hadeel but most of it are too pinky..need somthing light & sweet like pastel as i don wan my daughter to look like Barney..out of nowhere...last week her babah bought her 3 pairs of legging & 2 sets of hair clip. cant wait to grrrroom her tomorrow. ahh...im still looking for her shoes rite now as she oredi had so many shirts and rompers..where i think she had enuff for now.

new look..

due to extreme boredom, i change my blog's look making it more revives for my own view..waiting....im stil waiting for the result, which end up making me like having a cold feet syndrome (masa nk kawen dulu pon xde rasa ceni..)...aduiii...while revitalizing my blog, i have a quick peek on FB & would like to share the causes of collapsed roof in terengganu stadium..look...

huahaha....bleh plak centu.....perhaps the higher authorities are still looking for the causes & evidance while we oredi found the causes...huhuuu...

what a shame...

most of the leading news paper in malaysia wrote about the terengganu stadium which its roof collapsed yesterday morning. making everybody alarm about how safe our building structure is (especially those related to government project, as u know involved rakyat's money). Not enuff with the controversy involved MRR2 kepong (which became a never ending story & suppose became lesson to be learned) now comes the terengganu stadium which costs almost 300 million. we are talking about a structure that only aged about a year (for god sake) where the liability period is still valid. from what i heard, that stadium is a design & build structure & as u know designed & constructed by contractor. it is not fair if everybody put blames on contractor. i am referring to the authority that endorsed the project, the consultant appointed (of course by JKR) who suppose to check & moniter the design whether it is been designed accordingly, taking into account every aspect includes design quality & safety. again, even if the contractor is making mistake in constructing the structure, the superintandence officer has right to reject or discertify the works. again, i belive the credibility of higher authority will be questioned. to me, this incident shouldnt happen. it is more likely happen due to the human failure not due to act of god. some1 has to scrutiny this incident as its involved rakyat's money which i belive many things can be done with those 300 million (what a big waste for us as a tax payer)..shame..shame..shame..

migrain yg meyerang lagi....

adui, pesal le pg ni si hadeel asyik kerap bangun, leh kata sejam skali. aku yg keletihan sbb smlm ptg kene rush gi sri hartamas, pastu rush g amik hadeel sbb takut jam ngn ujan, ngn kene ujan lg ptg tu, ya ampun..mlm pas masak aku trus flat, flat smpi xsedar apa..dah la aku xbrp familiar ngn sri hartamas, bpusing gak aku mencari, dah le ujan lebat gila..dek kerana kerap bangun tido bangun tdo, sedar dkt kul 4.30 aku dah rasa cam somthing kat mata aku...huhu...sah aku migrain, jd masa tido, adui...trus aku bg hadeel susu cepat2 aku tutup mata sbb takut mengenang satgi kepala aku rasa cam nk meletop...aku pon apa lg, melompat dr katil capai bantal trus tdo kat ruang tamu, sblm sakit tu myerang, cepat2 aku paksa mata aku tdo so that bila bangun xde la sakit sangat karang..huhu..dah le mgu lepas aku kene mgu ni kena lg..mgu lepas smpi aku lembik dek sebab muntah byk sgt..klu migrain ubat dia senang je, muntah, pas muntah..insyaallah sakitnye kurang (apa pya stail brubat daa..). pgi ni je 3 bijik panadol aku telan, blm msk yg tgh hari lg..awat laaaa..pg td ngn ati yg berat & sian kat laki aku sbb kena jaga ank, tp aku nk wat camana, dr lsg aku xleh bgn & xleh pg keje lbh baik aku tdo even kejap..bgn tu bru aku rasa kurang sket sakit even sakitnya tu ada smpi skrg..mmg sah jd sbb stress, xcukup rehat & tido, sensetif ngn cahaya..sbb tu aku malas tgk tv lama2..silau cahaya dr tv tu yg wat aku jd ceni (takkan nk kene pakai sunglases lak kot masa tgk tv, cam gila la plak)..ahh...aku still seeking for alternative medication to cure it instead of relying on paracetamol..kene rehat cukup2 ni bru ilang kot..ntah la...

libur dikala tension...tension ke??

terbaca post buyui pasai MPH, teringat plak zaman study dulu mmg aku gila n obses (ye ke??) sgt ngn novel especially written by sidney sheldon, danielle steel & harold robin. wahh mmg zaman single & study dulu ni jelah medium yg paling best utk dilayan instead of internet sbb aku mmg xbrp minat sgt nonton tv ni even till now. teringat last aku bli buku utk diri sendiri masa peknen 6@7 month kat kinokuniya, "The Kept Woman" yg sampei la skrg aku xabis2 baca smpi kena baca balik dari mula sbb aku dah lupa storyline dia..kui2..yela bru je gaya nk melabuhkan punggong kat sofa tatkala novel baru nk diselak, ank aku dah kacau..ishh...terganggu sudah konsentrasiku (ye ke??)..warghhh..tp minat aku ngn novel ni mmg xpenah ilang, infact dah byk koleksi yg aku simpan & syg smpi la dah jd mini library ruang tamu aku tu, minat aku mmg takkan penah ilang..yelah, nk menghayati cerita ni kene concentrate tp memandangkan ank kecik lg (adusss) tpaksa la aku ketepikan niat aku nk baca novel ni wat sementara waktu ohhh...sbb tu masa MPH wat stock clearance aritu aku cuma bli buku utk Qadeel tp aku xbeli utk diri sendiri walaupon ati aku meronta2 & terkinja2 nk bli tp aku tahan...huhu...btui kata org baca novel ni ibarat kita dah melancong separuh dunia, mana taknya, bila storyline cerita background kat Paris la Herlem NY la, otak aku pon melancong ke Paris, Harlem n mcm2 tmpt g dah walaupon badan lum lg..hehe. tp aku rasa sok pon aku baca buku gak tp utk Qadeel le, "Qadeel sit on Umi's lap & umi read u a story about Bee zee Bees ok..bzzz bzzz bzzzz...."...kui2 berangan..tp xgak sbb buku dia dah mcm2 ada tu..jgn xtau...

waaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh...gimme some air...i need air...fuh...fuh....

suddenly my brain is empty (but still managed to settle unbalance account..). feels like my life is in chaos nowdays..warrghhh..i need a new job, new atmosphere, away from depression..away...away...away...(woi bro please stop smoking in my room, im shortage of air but u go n pollute my lungs..urghhh). hadeel injured (small injuries but evryone panic like someone is loosing a penis for god sake!)warghhhh...god, im in a big depression now but these things occur, wrong place at the wrong time (hope my migrain wont occur again as im tired vomitting wehh..). how i wish my weekend is quiet, but thats almost impossible coz weekend is the time where i usually do my spring cleaning (please someone help me)............and suddenly i miss my single life ssssssssssooooooooooooo much...

mggu yg suspen....

from last interview, 5 bulan aku menunggu peluang ni, aku interview 22.12.08 masa tu aku tgh sarat pregnant kan hadeel. aku tepikir gak ade ke yg nk hire aku keje ngn keadaan aku masa tu? lepas dah agak putus harapan dgn LKW (lepas hampir 3 kali aku diinterview, gila IPTA pon xceni), pgi tu jugak aku dpt call dr Segi College yg beria-ia sgt nk suh aku g teview (walaupon aku penah tolak interview dorg 1 kali & dorg dah call berkali2 suh aku attand gak interview), aku ngn hati yg panas nk meletop ngn LKW pg tu trus set time interview ngn Segi ptg tu gak without hesitation, leh dikatakan semuanya ad-hoc seb baik semua lam pen drive. mcm dah devine yg Allah tu suruh aku beratkan Segi compare to LKW, sbb byk sgt halangan aku ngn LKW, maybe Dia nk bukak pintu rezeki aku kat Segi (mudah-mudahan)..dgn Segi, jalan interview tu punya la simple, straight to the point, abis2 interview terus bincang pasal remuneration, xmcm LKW yg mcm2 rintangan aku nk kene rentas juz to get to that level (jrg tau ade org lepas smpi level ke-3). long semester kat Segi will be launched somewhere in September, so dorg tgh analize candidates yg layak utk mengajar utk intake bulan 9 ni, so i am 1 of the shortlisted candidate..alhamdulillah, dorg suruh aku drop an email to head of faculty next week incase klu dorg tak bgtau result reqruitment tu.tu yg aku suspen sgt. aku nk sgt join line education ni, hidup aku rasa terisi & happy (instead of married life yg semmg nya mbuatkan aku terisi, berisi & happy, TQ noorazlan for making me happy!!) klu aku dekat dgn buku or ape2 yg ade related ngn benda ilmiah ni... aku dah bosan keje ngn hati yg xbrp nk ikhlas..aku nk something yg boleh wat aku happy & berbaloi ngn career aku & usaha aku selama ni, yela 7 tahun aku abiskan masa muda aku, happy time aku, masa enjoy aku kat meja study, klu amik medic aku dah layak bergelar medical doctor dah wei...minat aku ngn education ni mmg xpenah putus, aku bedoa sgt2 aku dpt join dorg mengajar kat sana..

my oh my...

As usual, dis morning, i woke up lazily, walked straight to the bathroom without seeing the mirror (y should i??). My heart is sinking (mcm putus cintala plak!!) due to lack of sleep, still need plenty of rest. Hadeel oh hadeel when will you stop waking umi's up in the middle of the nite...uhhhhummm..u r making umi exhausted..Not becoz i could not comprehand the fact that shes juz a little baby..still pure & clarity, juz that i dont have enuff patient and im tired, tired not becoz of looking after her but im tired completing the housework (which i did 1 week jobs at 1 time), from front to back on my own. Eventhough on weekend, i still could not have enuff sleep which i need the most to rejuvenate myself after confranted with those hactic activities troughout the week. I said to myself that im not ready to have second child at this moment as i am too exhausted with the work (at home & office) and i need some space for myself (alone & quiet). Maybe some will under judge me saying that i am selfish but as a mother, a wife & a career women, i do need some air & space to replenish myself as my body works 24/7. Gosh..at this moment, i juz wana give 360 degree care on hadeel right before i decided to have second child which i consider will be the last. Not becoz i want to refuse what been gifted by god, juz that, there is no point raising up your children if your heart is not fully devoted for it. Quality in raising up my kid is too crucial for me rather then focusing on quantity which at the end of the day, i will be questioned by god on why i failed to nurture my children accordingly...

lampu isyarat oh lampu isyarat...

buat petama kalinya arini aku pg opis trus on computer then search for no. aduan utk lampu isyarat, bkn utk wat aduan pasai kerosakan tp aduan pasai lampu yg xubah cam bengong wat traffic semua huru-hara..bg yg penah @ ari2 lalu kat simpang empat antara bandar tun razak, bandar tasik selatan ngn persimpangan yg nk g ke metramac tu, aku jamin rata2 bengang ngn lampu isyarat yg xberapa bleh nk pakai tu...argghh bodo sungguh org yg jd traffic controller kat situ, sblm lampu isyarat tu rosak, traffic run smooth je, pas pd kene perbaik tu, lsg mcm siot je..span nye pendek smpi semua org jd huru hara, apa korg xwat kajian ke sblm korg wat traffic diversion tu? korg ni blaja smpi darjah brp sblm korg layak dipanggil traffic controller? adui...makcik yg jual kuih pepagi tepi jln tu pon leh pikir logic apa consequence klu traffic diversion nye gitu ropaa...wat malu je blaja tinggi2 tp last2 sangap centu..nk cross jln nk masuk hiway yg cuma 100 meter tu aku tepaksa tgu dekat stgh jam, pe jadahnye tu?? ni wat aku nk complain nih..aku byr tax apa so aku nk guna authority aku as tax payer..ahhh aku xkira...aku nk sekolahkan traffic controller tu, xpass exam gaknye sblm layak dipanggil traffic controller..budusss sungguh..

Pagi selasa yang melemaskan...arrrghhhh....

Melemaskan?? yup thats the best word to describe it..bgn awal ngn harapan leh smpi tmpt keje awal, teeeet...wrong, lewat 3 minit gak..shit...aku pon xtau pesal 2-3 ari ni jem cam bodo jer. jem bkn sbb ape pon, tp disebabkan atitude org2 KL yg ngong waktu memandu...cam ape je. tukar lane xreti nk bg signal, lampu isyarat nk merah still gak jln smpi abis sume org stuck, drive mcm labi2 even jln kat depan tu bapakla smooth..gila tensi aku pagi ni..boleh dikatakan spjg jln dr umh aku smpi la nk smpi opis mulut aku ni xrenti2 cursing here n there..nauzubillah..tu dah geram tahap ke 8 dah tu. tiap kali aku cursing, tingat ank aku yg pg ni bgn awai nk memanja2 ngn aku, aku lentok tepi kepala dia, dia asyik nk pegang muka aku, agknya nk bgtau kot "umi, umi jgn la pg keje pgi ni"..huhu...trus sejuk ati aku bila igt dia, pastu smbg drive aku tensi balik..haarrghhh..mmg ngong tui org KL drive, dan2 tu gak aku rasa cam xnk dah duk KL ni. tensi ditambah lg ngn serabut kat tmpt keje, mdengar bebelan yg membosankan..asal smpi opis je, aku dok tgk jam bila la nk kul 5 ni...adusss...cpt2 la dpt jd lecturer, aku xleh tahan dah ni..meluat, menyampah sume dah ada dah ni tinggal nk meletop ajerr..hmmmm...

Weekend ku yg fully occupied!!

Finally, aku berjaya memfully utilisedkan weekend ku!! did loundry on friday nite, did ironing on saturday morning, rumahku dah tidy & clean, syok rasanya, langsir aku yg dah terbengkalai dkt 2-3 bulan tu dah siap semuanya..(seb baik xbesawang je lg)..baju dah belipat & besusun semuanya, semua aku setelkan on saturday..so, ahad ape lg, ari utk melibur2 kan diri!! sempat aku masak soto ayam & wat puding batik(wat puding sambil belari ke depan ke dapur ke depan ke dapur sbb nk tgk2 qadeel yg sibuk dok nk meniarap tu takut lemas lak..adeiii) awal2 pg sbb adik2 ipar kesayangan aku nk dtg swimming, bgn awai sbb takut budak kecik tu kacau aku nk masak..ish2 dak kecik tu..Dah kenyang mencekik aku pon berangkat le ke swimming pool bwh umh aku yg xpenah pon aku jejakkan kaki dek sebab malas..hmmm...bwk la skali si kecik tu ngn carrier2 nye skali, dia pon kemain syok le ngn harapan leh mandi skali (jgn harap le, tgu umi beli pelampung & swimming sut dulu noooo)..naik tanned kami diwatnya, mana tak tgh2 panas menerik g mandi takut petang pool penuh..aku quite enjoy gak la even xkuar pd compound umh aku, at least release tension aku, duit aku save petrol aku pon save penat pon tak..hahaha..sapa ckp kat umh pon xleh have fun boleh watt..hassel free.. malam plak, leh siap 2 bijik sarung bantal aku jahit (mood tgh baik beb). kira ok la kan....

Finally its weekend!!

Ahh..finally weekend is coming...feels like waiting for it for ages..goshh!!a lot of thing to be settled..spring cleaning, loundry, ironing...u juz name it. Cant wait to cuddle and pamper my hadeel as all the grooming works done by her baby sitter on weekdays. So, weekend is the time where i usually bathe her, teach her (she hasnt open her books for almost 2 weeks...wahh cuti pjg nmpk??..), watch Ceria with her & things that almost all mothers & daughters do (eventhough shes onny 4 months old). Cant wait to show her my new bloom orkid which at 1st i consider as "hidup segan mati xmau yg tup2 berbungala pulak!". Shes going to visit her new born auntie which onny 4 days old..hahaha...actually shes older then her auntie(her new born auntie is actually my cousin)..to cut it short, alot of thing to be settled this weekend, hope everything run smooth..so, pleasent weekend everyone!!

Maybe I Do Need Some Fresh Air....I Do....

After got back from short so called holiday, my weekends was fully occupied. No wonder these few days i feel really exhausted and moody. My baby was having a fever day after i did her 'cukur jambul' ceremony, my house suddenly been haunted by paranormal thing (god, thing that i hate the most..) making me & my hubby paranoid. Alhamdulillah, now everything back to normal, Hadeel is fully recover juz that i am tired looking at my house which looks like 'kapal karam' & i am still looking at suitable time to organize everything back to normal. God, i hope there will be no kenduri or any ceremony to attand as i have no mood to attand any. I am totally tired & i really need rest. Looking at the anoying & irritating messy floor full with beras kunyit making me tired & sometime feels disgust. What option do i have except to follow what been ordered (feels silly sometimes). And who will do all the cleaning works from front to back if it is not me? feels like wana scream from top of my lungs. yes i am tired and do anyone care about it? of coz nobody care bout it...

cukur jambul itu bidaah??

Tengah aku mencari2 info pasal dosa2 kecik yg kita wat tp mungkin kita xperasan, aku terbaca la 1 artikel yg ditulis oleh Datuk Abu Hassan Alhafiz pasal cukur jambul (yg kebetulan aku dah wat 2 mgu lalu). Ramai org melayu confuse (tmasukla aku sampai la ku terjumpa artikel ini) pasal cukur jambul ni. Kata artikel ni, cukur jambul sunat dilakukan pada hari ke 7 selepas bayi tu dilahirkan iaitu rambut baby tu dicukur sampai gondol, kemudian rambut tu ditimbang & dinilaikan sama dgn harga emas, nilai tu bolehlah korang gunakan utk beli barang @ apa2 lah, utk sedekahkan pd ank yatim atau fakir miskin. Itu yang sebetulnya, dan TIDAK disusul dgn marhaban @ berzanji, (mcm yg org skrg dok buat) melainkan cukur sampai gondol dan kemudian di buat tahnik & bagi nama pd baby tuh. Cukur jambul ni sebenarkan cukur rambut sampai botak pd hari ke 7 lepas dia lahir, klu korang cukur smpi botak lepas dah berapa bulan lahir, baik korang xpayah buat melainkan korang buat sekali dengan akikah.

Cukur jambul yg ikut sunah nabi ni dibuat cukur rambut semata2, TIDAK di susul dgn marhaban @ berzanji, TIDAK disusul dengan berendoi (buai yg dihias bagai nak rak tu, bidaah semuanya tu woii..nauzubillah). Klu kat KL ni, rambut tu dipotong pastu diletak lam kelapa yg dah diukir (tau kah korang yg itu sebenarnya mengikut adat agama hindu yg sama sekali xpenah dibuat oleh nabi kita). Aku pon xtau yg itu bidaah. Nasiblah hari tu aku cuma gunting rambut ank aku & letak dlm mangkuk yg xberisi air pon (keh2 lupa daaa), xdisulam ngn marhaban atau berzanji & xde pon aku buat berendoi tu. Aku cuma buat tahlil & doa selamat disusul dgn akikah ank aku, yg nabi cakap sunat dibuat pd hari ke 7 lepas lahir namun boleh dibuat pada ari lain.

So, pd sapa yg nk buat cukur jambul ank korg tu, sunat wat hari ke 7 iaitu cukur sampai gondol, klu berkemampuan watla skali ngn akikah. Jangan dok gatal2 pi buat berendoi bg nk rak dihias buai tu dgn bunga apa segala, siap dengan marhaban apa segala, klu nk wat marhaban, buat marhaban saja & xpayah la korg susulkan dengan cukur jambul. Jgn plak korang pi gatal2 duk ukir kelapa semata2 nk masukkan rambut yg digunting tuh, kang xpasai2 tepesong lak akidah korang sbb gi ikut adat budaya agama hindu, kang majlis yg patutnya bawa keberkatan kat korang jd xdpt apa2 lak, sia2 je. Tu pon aku agak ralat gak sbb xjumpa artikel ni awai2, klu tak aritu aku xwat potong jambul ank aku (itu yg sebetulnye..keh2), aku juz buat tahlil, doa selamat ngn akikah je (Ya allah, ampun kan aku yg jahil xtau apa2 nih..amin)...

cukup ke pengorbanan kita pada mak ayah kita???

tah kenapa tetiba aku terpanggil nk post entry ni. aku yg payah nk nangis ni tetiba je emo, emosi @ emosional...(whatever..) masa aku nak taip entry ni. tumpah air mata emas aku ni bila mak aku called smlm..teringat aku, cukup ke pengorbanan kita kat mak ayah kita. buat yg baca entry ni, aku byk gunakan loghat utara, maklum la lidah aku dah sebati dgn loghat tu sbb semmg nya aku bkn org KL at all (pdk kata aku igt la asai usul aku..). tetiba aku teringat kat tokwan yg tgh uzur dek sakit tua...

skali lg mengingatkan aku masa zaman kecik aku & base on experiance zaman kecik2 mak aku..aku ingat lg mcm mana tokwan keje kuat sgt masa muda2 dulu, berbasikal dekat 10 batu (rasa aku la @ maybe lebih) sbb masa tu xmampu nk beli 2-3 bijik moto mcm org skrg ni..xkira panas terik dikayuhnya basikal tu ke kedai mkn yg dia sendiri bukak kat batu 8 sg. labu. aku pon penah masa kecik2 dulu klu balik kmpg bekayuh ke kedai tu, mak aii..penat xtekata terah nk smpi..tolong anak dia berniaga katanya, yg masa tu upah aku pon xsure dorg bg kat dia ke tak..pya nk tolong ank...penah jugak dia meniaga ikan kat pasar, awal2 pgi dah kuar umh cri ikan kat peraih, naik moto yg cuma ada sebijik tu..bwk carrier yg penuh dgn mcm2 ikan..nk cri duit sara ank kata dia..penah jugak aku tgk dia btungkus lumus nak siapkan umh ank dia (tok wan aku ni multi telented org nya, semua keje leh wat), panjat bumbung, pasang itu ini, smpi siap la sebijik umh, nak siapkan umh ank aku, kata dia...penah mak aku cerita kat aku masa depa kecik dulu idup pya la susah..mkn apa yg tanam kat belakang umh sbb nk jimat duit. makcik2 aku yg still skolah rendah masa tu gi la kutip kangkung kat tepi sawah, kutip sisa2 padi yg org dah angkut kat tepi jln, so, leh la merasa mkn nasik lebih (klu org skg ni nasik tu smpi dibuang2 dek telebeh masak..). masa tu mak aku ank pompuan yg paling tua, penah dia kata tok aku menangis kat tepi bendul umh, bila mak aku tya awat mak nangis?, dia kata "dak aih mana ada"..., padahal mak aku tau dia susah hati apa nk bgi ank dia mkn ptg tu sbb beras nak abis..huhu...so kene simpan utk esk..penah jugak masa tu mak aku crita tok wan aku pi tahan pukat kat tali air nak cri ikan nk masak mkn tgh hari masa tu, tesilap pasang pukat tkena la kat kawasan org (padahal xdak pon dia tulis kat situ "kawasan ni en tut.." yg punya). di tolak nya moto tokwan aku yg masa tu tgh tahan pukat dalam tali air smpi jatuh moto dia dlm tali air..(masa ni yg air mata aku lg deras tumpah..) masyaallah..busuk betui hati en tut..tok wan aku terus menyelam dlm tali air semata nk slamatkan moto dia yg cuma ada 1 tu, smpi mengigil2 & demam tok wan aku masa tu..nak cri ikan nk bg ank makan kata dia...(huuhuu lg deras nmpknya air mata ni..ish2)..to cut it short, dia buat apa saja yg boleh dia buat up to maximum level juz to help his children..

abis cerita zaman kecik2 aku ngn mak aku, beralih plak kat cerita zaman laa ni..dah di tentukan tuhan, umo tok wan aku dah 74 thn dah (kira pnjg umo tok wan aku ni, klu org laa ni, 50++ dah ada yg kiok..). tok wan aku ni diibaratkan mcm mati idup semula. masa sakit ari tu nyawa dah tgi ujung2 dah...mcm nk abis umo..tp kuasa Allah, umo dia pjg lg...mungkin dia ada nk selesaikan apa2 yg blm selesai antara dia ngn ank2..bak kata org, bila kita nk tau ank2 amik berat kat kita ke tak leh nmpk bila kita tua, bila kita sakit...masa dia tgk nazak, baliklah semua makcik2 & pakcik2 aku, bila mak aku bg tau yg tokwan dah 50-50 (seb baik ada ank pompuan yg buleh diharap ni) ada yg mmg sunguh2 nk jaga sbb sygkan tok wan ni & ada la juga yg balik sekadar nk wat syarat (wallahualam..lantak korang lah). begilir2 la depa ni jaga tokwan siang & malam..smpi la tokwan agak sihat & boleh balik umh..tp bkn ni yg aku nk stress out kan sgt sbb tu dah mmg tgjwb depa as ank kan, cuma aku nk highlight kat perangai stgh2 ank yg tah la, aku pon xtau, hati apa depa ni..diminta tolong anta tokwan wat rawatan susulan...depa kat..xbuleh la bizi skit (lupa ka dia masa dia sakit dulu sapa yg tolong dia klu bkn tok wan?? lupa or buat2 lupa??)...xpa la, mak & adik aku pon bwk la tokwan ni...di suruh yg sorg lgi jenguk (jenguk je bkn suruh bela pon) tok wan ni, haram...lsg xnmpk batang hidung...(lupa ka dia, masa dia xdak umh, umh sapa dia tumpang, masa dia xdak duit nk wat umh, sapa yg siapkan umh dia, masa dia pi keja sapa yg tlg tgk2 ank2 dia klu bln tok wan??...lupa ka or buat2 lupa?? masa ank2 dia ada masalah itu ini, sapa yg slalu wat solat hajat mohon kat tuhan moga ank2 hidup dgn sempurna? sapa lgi klu bkn tok wan yg merangkap ayah, hangpa semua lupa or buat2 lupa??) xpala skali lgi mak aku yg syg kat tok wan ni jaga slagi ada hayat dia...(walaupon letih xtekata, tp dek kerana kasih & syg kat tok wan ni dijaganya jugak slagi ada hayat..)

berlarutan la semua tu smpi la ke hari ni, yg aku xtahan skali smlm, masa mak aku tepon (siap lawan air mata sapa lg deras mengalir..aku...) nak tanyakan hadeel mcm mana, dia luahkan semua kat aku pasal perangai adik2 dia yg xberapa nak mengenang jasa tu..lagi deras air mata aku masa tu bila mak cerita, tok wan keluarkan buku simpanan dia (yg xseberapa tu..)..ditunjukkan buku tu kat mak aku.."dah...brp duit ada lam buku tu?? cuba tgk sat, ayah xberapa reti nk tgk.." tya tok wan aku..(huhu..derasnya air mata nih..) mak aku kata "ada 6 ribu lebih ayah...ayah nk wat pa?" mak aku tya..."klu jadi apa2 sok kat ayah, ambik la duit tu pakai wat sempurnakan jenazah ayah...klu nk bwk kluaq duit tu nnti pki cap cri mak (tok aku)"..wasiat tok wan aku kat mak aku..lg la menitik air mata aku air hidung aku, seb baik hadeel tgh tidoq masa tu..bayangkan smpi mcm tu skali mak ngn ayah kita xnak nyusahkan kita, smpi duit utk mati pon disimpan gak, walaupon tu tgjwb ank2..

cerita ni aku taipkan dlm entry ni bkn tujuan aku utk bukak aib sapa2, tp cuma utk renungan kita tmasuk la aku..mak ayah kita tu apa pon sanggup dorg buat, sanggup xpakai keta, naik la moto buruk smpi aku darjah 6 semata2 nk senangkan kami adik bradik, mak aku smpi bsengkang mata bgn awai buat kuih & nasi lemak masa aku skolah rendah juz nk tampung belanja sbb ayah aku masa tu gaji xberapa besaq sgt..& ayah aku ni jenis yg bejimat & beringat, demi kesenangan masa depan, & alhamdulillah, semua penat lelah tu berbayar, smpi kami adik bradik pon dpt tumpang hasil penat lelah ayah & mak (tima kasih bebyk2, jasa mak ayah takkan mampu kami nk bayar dunia & akhirat...)..tumpah lagi air mata aku...hmmm hari air mata sedunia weii..kadang2 bkn duit ringgit hangpa yg depa nk sangat pon tp doa ank yg soleh...renung2kan dan selamat beramal.....

Quote Of The Day...

Allah berfirman:

"Ketika Aku menciptakan seorang wanita, ia diharuskan untuk menjadi seorang yang istimewa. Aku membuat bahunya cukup kuat untuk menopang dunia namun, harus cukup lembut untuk memberikan kenyamanan " - bahuku yg blm cukup kuat...

"Aku memberikannya kekuatan dari dalam untuk mampu melahirkan anak dan menerima penolakan yang seringkali datang dari anak-anaknya " - sepertimana yg aku alami skrg...

"Aku memberinya kekerasan untuk membuatnya tetap tegar ketika orang-orang lain menyerah, dan mengasuh keluarganya dengan penderitaan dan kelelahan tanpa mengeluh " - ya aku penat, dan kadang2 mengeluh...

"Aku memberinya kepekaan untuk mencintai anak-anaknya dalam setiap keadaan, bahkan ketika anaknya bersikap sangat menyakiti hatinya " - sepertimana yg aku alami sekarang...

"Aku memberinya kekuatan untuk mendukung suaminya dalam kegagalannya dan melengkapi dengan tulang rusuk suaminya untuk melindungi hatinya " - usaha ku yg xkan pernah putus...

"Aku memberinya kebijaksanaan untuk mengetahui bahwa seorang suami yang baik takkan pernah menyakiti isterinya, tetapi kadang menguji kekuatannya dan ketetapan hatinya untuk berada disisi suaminya tanpa ragu" - ya ia cukup menguji keimanan...

"Dan akhirnya, Aku memberinya air mata untuk dititiskan...
Ini adalah khusus miliknya untuk digunakan bilapun ia perlukan." - yg keluar dan sukar utk sesiapa pon ketahui....

Ya aku berusaha utk menjadi ibu yg baik, ya aku berusaha menjadi isteri yg solehah, ya aku berusaha selagi ada daya aku, akan tetapi kesabaran yg tinggi, sokongan yg padu padu amat aku perlukan..jika berusaha mengasihi aku, mengasihani aku dan menghargai aku, bantulah aku...

Is it A Little Too Early??

Last week while downloading some reading materials for Hadeel, my colleague came to me & ask 'what is that for?' i said for my baby. She asked 'already start meh?', again i said (the feeling of disgust some kind like filling my lungs!! arghhhh) yeah (so what!!). 'Dont you thing it is too early?' she said (come on shes my daughter ok...). I said 'nothing, juz download it, not sure when to use (but i already started it haha). Then it come for me to think is it too early?? No of coz not, it has been proven that education should start as early as possible form the age of 3 months!. So, im on the right path! The author of 'Teaching Your Baby Reading' wrote in his book (you can get it from www.brillkids.com) that it is never too early to teach your baby how to read. Juz that you should know what sort of material suitable to stimulus your baby's left & right brain. I started with infant stimulus flash card to stimulus her brain. The reason why i am too eager about teaching my daughter at early age is that i want her to be able to know how to read at the age of 4, recognize ABC in sequence & randomly as early as 3 years old. Knowing that Wardina's daughter is able to read at the age of 4 encourage me to impliment it. At the age of 3 months, the baby only familiar with black & white. So, make sure that your flash card is big & clear enuff to attract them. There is no point of sending your kids to expensive kindergarten which at the end, end up making them boring and lazy and even worse if they are still unable to recognize simple alphabets and numbers. Education should starts at home, we as a mother is the greatest teacher of all. I juz want to make it simple for Hadeel so that when i send her up to kindergarten, she is able to pick up things easily as she already learned it at early age. Thats the main reason why i seldom go out at weekend. I rather stay at home & teach her slowly coz thats the only quality time i have to educate her. All i need is rigorous work, patient and a prayer.

Lazy

Today, i feel so unmotivated to come to work. Drove lazily to work, passing by the massive traffic jam which always stress me out. At 1 time (actuall many times) i feel like quitting or give up work as i am totaly tired and fed up with he situation in the office. Been treated unfairly, discrimination occurs everywhere almost giving me up. I keep on wondering when all these going to be over?? If it is not for me to come to think about hubby & hadeel, maybe rite know i already give up work, become an educated housewife & further my study. I slowly starts to dislike doing costing & estimation, feels boring to see those thick tender document and totally hates to attend site visit or site meeting, to cut it short, the feeling of boring already accumulated in my body thus making me lost interest to get involve in construction industry directly. Lack of motivation occured due to poor remuneration offered after 2 1/2 years serving the company.

Is It Wrong To Be Born A Woman?

Last thursday, i've red an article about a women who is severely suffer with mental illness due to the human discrimination towards justice. Shes been tortured mentally by her husband who refuse to divorce her. Yes, not to deny that it is 'nusyuz' for a muslim women to ask for a divorce however, God is not that cruel in creating his laws. Would you live with a guy who loves to watch obscene act and pornography, slept with other woman and never treat you as he should? Thats the reasons why she ask for a divorce which i believe she has right to do so. Imagine she has to wait more than 10 years for her pending case to be heard in court. She even miss her opportunity to live happily with a guy who maybe can provide and serves her right due to her cruel husband who refuses to let her go. Now, my question is, why she has to wait that long? What is wrong with Shariah Court in Malaysia? Do we emphasize the law in right way? There is nothing wrong with the shariah law as it is what been stipulated in Al-Quran hundred years ago. Lack of curiosity, seeing and taking things for granted lead to this matter. Somthing has to be done here for the sake of treaten women out there. Hope with the new cabinet on the line will figure and overcome this matter once and for all....

Little Qadriyyah Hadeel...

Usually, after i fecth her from my mother in law's house, i will park my car nearby the "taman-taman"(playground le tuh!!). So, while arranging her stuff, not to mention my handbag and soooo on, she will peep at the children playing at the taman-taman. So, i wait there for about 4-5 minits then only i walk up. While in the lift she still ok, not crying seems happy, sempat smiling at me...hai....the moment i fish out my house key, she starts to make 1 kind of noise...like shes not satisfy with somthing...then starts to cry...at first i still canot figure out what is it all about but after few times then i starts to realize that she wants me to "dukung" her "pusing2 taman"...aduiiiii....kids nowdays are brilliant. Shes only 3 1/2 months, now her babah is busy showing her the infant flash card before went out to work. Well thats my brilliant hadeel...

1st Entry...Boleh laaa...

Salam,

Im too new in this section but i never want to miss the opportunity to optimize the use of technology. By reviewing many blogs existed, it tells me that i should have 1 too..Not to condenm or critisize anyone, i create this blog juz to express my feeling and to share with others whos willing to share..so wait for my next post as im looking for the suitable material to add in...chao...