my oh my...

As usual, dis morning, i woke up lazily, walked straight to the bathroom without seeing the mirror (y should i??). My heart is sinking (mcm putus cintala plak!!) due to lack of sleep, still need plenty of rest. Hadeel oh hadeel when will you stop waking umi's up in the middle of the nite...uhhhhummm..u r making umi exhausted..Not becoz i could not comprehand the fact that shes juz a little baby..still pure & clarity, juz that i dont have enuff patient and im tired, tired not becoz of looking after her but im tired completing the housework (which i did 1 week jobs at 1 time), from front to back on my own. Eventhough on weekend, i still could not have enuff sleep which i need the most to rejuvenate myself after confranted with those hactic activities troughout the week. I said to myself that im not ready to have second child at this moment as i am too exhausted with the work (at home & office) and i need some space for myself (alone & quiet). Maybe some will under judge me saying that i am selfish but as a mother, a wife & a career women, i do need some air & space to replenish myself as my body works 24/7. Gosh..at this moment, i juz wana give 360 degree care on hadeel right before i decided to have second child which i consider will be the last. Not becoz i want to refuse what been gifted by god, juz that, there is no point raising up your children if your heart is not fully devoted for it. Quality in raising up my kid is too crucial for me rather then focusing on quantity which at the end of the day, i will be questioned by god on why i failed to nurture my children accordingly...